BFP! And Super-Duper NERVOUS!

Finally! We're gonna have a BABY! I love good news. I took a pregnancy test on Sunday, October 3 just before going to bed, and the + sign showed up almost instantly. At this point, I'm thinking (based on my last cycle) that I'm 5 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant-you'll see why I say "thinking" a little later. I really wasn't paying attention to when my next cycle should start because I was too busy tracking my temps that I really didn't count it up to see when I should be starting AF. I realized I may be pregnant when cycle day 34 rolled around and there was absolutely NO sign of my evil AF. The longest my cycle has EVER been is 33 days, so that's when I got suspicious. The timing is pretty much a joke, cause Jason and I talked (that night) about waiting a little longer since he's losing his job. I'm sure glad God has a sense of humor...

So, since I got my BFP, I've noticed quite a bit of cramping and aching in my abdomen...and of course, I panicked and called my OB (haha! now I have an OB). He said that with my history of miscarriage, the only way to know for sure that everything is ok is for him to see me. I went in on Thursday, October 7 and they did an ultrasound. Well....it seems I'm not quite as far along as I had hoped. I was actually only 4 weeks and 2 days when I found out, so the ultrasound only showed a little bitty blob where the baby is at. Doc said next week at my next appointment, we should be able to see where the yolk sac has formed around the baby.

So, I have another appointment this Thursday and I'm praying that all has been going well in there and that he/she has been behaving themself and growing...if not, well then, he/she's going to get a spanking first thing...ok, maybe second thing after a hug and kiss from mommy and daddy...

Stress Sucks...

I have got so many things on my mind right now. Last Thursday, we found out that Jason's mom had a mini stroke. I called Jason at work at 8 a.m. that morning to tell him, then he called me back at 11:15 to inform me that he just came out of a meeting at work where they were all informed that the plant is shutting down in 6 months (or less if you ask Jason). Well, Jason's mom doesn't have any residual effects of the stroke except that she's having surgery on Wednesday (tomorrow) to remove/clean out plaque build up in her corotid artery. So, on a good note, I think she's going to be ok. As for the job, I know that this is a great opportunity for Jason to find something else that is a better fit for us and I keep saying to myself that God will get us through this and something great will come out of it (which I truly believe). But in the end, my very human, insecure, worrying self can't help but be concerned. Jason says we can survive a while on unemployment because we have a little bit in savings too, but who wants to live on their emergency fund? Losing his job also means losing health insurance, which means we may need to stop trying to get pregnant (maybe too late). Then, this week, we find out at church that one of our members and his daughter were in a severe car accident and he is on life support at UK with no brain activity. He's the father of three and really a wonderful guy. And to top it off, my cousin is praying that something job wise works out for her because she's due to go back to work in 2 weeks after her maternity leave, but can God use her elsewhere...which brings me to my own dilema...hmmmm....I won't say what that is just yet...just know that I'm praying about it and that God's will would be done in then entire situation. So, this is my rambling of a thoughtful week. I've got no one here at work to talk to about any of this, so I thought I'd jot it down. It really didn't help all that much, but...here ya go.

Taking Charge Of Your Fertility....where have you been all my life?

As I stated in my prior post, I was recently introduced to a book titled Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. Let me just start by saying that this is the MOST informative and essential book I have read to date on the female reproductive system. I literally couldn't put it down! Where the heck has this book been my entire menstruating and reproductive life? Really? And you thought you had sex ed in school...hah! That's a stinkin' joke if you ask me...but you didn't, did you? Whatever schools are teaching kids in sex ed today, you can bet is not as detailed as this book. I have decided (and we don't have kids yet) that I'm keeping this book as a tool to teach my children (especially my daughters) about how their own body's work and definately how baby-making happens. There are numerous myths out there about when you can get pregnant and what a "normal" menstrual cycle is supposed to be. I had lots of unanswered questions and thoughts about my own body and I'm 32! Health class never explained it and neither did most of our moms. And it's not because they didn't want to. It's probably because they didn't have the means to educate us because their parents (or the school board) didn't equip them with such knowledge. Essentially, the whole book is based on the Fertility Awareness Method. Now, before you get your panties in a wad, let me start by saying it is NOT the Rythm Method. You chart your basal body temperature, track your cervical fluid and cervical position each month to determine your most fertile/infertile days. I also learned that through using FAM, a spike of basal body temperature for 18 consecutive days after ovulation is a very high indication of pregnancy. Now, what's interesting is if you weren't tracking your BBT you probably wouldn't have noticed those 18 days of a spiked temp. If you started your period after those 18 days, you would probably think your period was just late...when in fact it could have been a miscarriage. This is great info to have if you continuously have "late" periods. FAM can either be used for avoiding pregnancy, trying to conceive, or simply for your own gynecological health. It's amazing that all of this "unexplained" stuff that has been going on in my body for the past 20 years actually has a reason and a purpose and it has a name. Hah! I'm not crazy after all! Woot! I feel so empowered!

5 Days Late Makes One Hopeful...(that would be too easy)

I was supposed to start my period on Thursday of last week, however, my CRAZY body decided to tug at my heart strings and get my hopes up. Over the entire weekend, I kept thinking (and hoping) that I was pregnant. I continued to tell myself that it was probably NOT going to be that easy and to just expect a false negative test. I've had my hopes up really super-duper high before and been seriously disappointed in the past. So this time, I kept telling myself that it couldn't be. Well, let's just say that my mind was right...of course. I took a pregnancy test on Sunday (my birthday) and it was negative. I then called the doctor to get advice on what to do next and the nurse said to take another test in a week. Well...no need for that because I started my wonderful monthly cycle on Tuesday...yes, 5 (count 'em) 5 days late! I'm NEVER that late. I think my body hates my ever living guts.

So, I've been online and talking to some friends and I was refered to a book called Taking Charge Of Your Fertility. I'm headed over to Half Price Books after work today to pick one up. We'll see how good I am at "Taking Charge Of (My) Fertility"..

Almost 3 months later and...no go....

So....I was unsure as to if and when I was really going to get into the whole blogging thing. I didn't want to bore anyone with my incessant, painstaking journey of negative pregnancy tests. Just know that I'm trying to be patient, which is hard...and I'm trying to time, time, time, which apparently seems to be even harder. Everyone always tells me to "not try". Yeah. Right. How is that even possible when you KNOW when you ovulate? "Knowing" makes me try that much harder. I kinda wish I had never researched and did my homework on details of the conception process. Now, I'm just a crazy mess. Wondering for two weeks, and planning for the other two weeks. It's a vicious cycle. How do women do this for years on end sometimes? I'm pooped!

The Best "Non" Mother's Day Gift

Discussion was had on Mother's Day and it was decided that Jason and I are going to start trying to have a baby in July. Now, if you have even had a 15 minute conversation with me, you'll know that this is the very best news that I've heard in a long time. So! With that said, here's to my attempt to document our adventures of beginning our little family together.